National Coming Out day(October 11th) I decided to tell my sister, EMA, about me. BIG STEP. The biggest relief was no longer having to edit my posts to my FB account. I no longer had to do the ‘except for…’ edits. Phew!
Oh right, but the real relief should be in telling my sister I was gay. So many of my friends say she has to have known or suspected. But they don’t know the reality of just how different/distant I am when it comes to my own family. I really do mean it when I say I envy the relationship many of my friends have with their relatives. It really is an odd thing for me to understand. I should be studied.
“Are you really that surprised?” I asked.
“Ummm, yes” EMA replies.
“Sorry. I’ve known since I was 15.”
“Wow have you told mom?”
“Hell no. She wanted to kill herself when you were pregnant. I’m waiting”
“I know. Wait like twenty years cuz when i told her i was pregnant she told everyone well at least she’s not a lesbian.”
FML! The ‘worst’ thing she could’ve pulled outta the hat was that?! At least she’s not a lesbian??
“When are you going to tell her?” EMA went on.
“When John(my lil brother) is older. I dont want her to take it out on him.”
“It’s not his fault… and maybe you should wait a while because mom thinks you have a girlfriend right now and that you just dont want to tell her.”
Wow. I need to find a beard fast.
“Are we okay?” I asked her after the silence.
“Umm… yes, i’m okay just a little shocked…”
Sibling rivalry hasn’t really been a thing for EMA and I until I’d say the last six years. It wasn’t uncommon for us to go out to a movie or hang out. As we’re getting older this distance grows between us.
My sister has been known to throw me under the bus, tell parents certain things in an effort to switch focus from herself. I caught her doing this once and asked her why.
“Well, Dad said something to make me mad so I thought I’d make him mad…”
So, me telling my sister about me really is just like hitting the countdown. It’s a matter of time before it all catches up. I sure hope she understand the position that I’m in and that she doesn’t just spill the beans. I mean… she could easily turn her pregnant/teenager drop out situation into, “Well at least you guys have grandchildren because Branli will never give you any.” I can almost see it. I sure hope I’m wrong.