A few entries back I blogged about my quirks, personal flaws, and the many pieces that make me up. I decided to add to that piece with this entry. There are a few more quirks that I think merit deeper inquisition.
The subconscious if a powerful thing. It’s the root of true thought–or so we tell ourselves. The nightmares, our fears, and our most personal feelings dwell in the deep crevasses of our mind. Is it this reasoning, or understanding, that has me wondering what a “whisper” I mumble to myself means.
Every now and then, I catch myself whispering, without thinking:
“I want to go home.”
Now, it’s an odd thing to whisper when A) Most times when I say, it I’m already home, B) I don’t know why I said it or what prompted it.
Admittedly, I’ve come to accept that it’s been my inner angst wanting to settle some anxiety. Perhaps I’m thinking of too many things, too many problems, or even too many plots and stories. And yet, I don’t know what this “home” is that I’m talking about. It’s an inexplicable yearning, really. It’s why when I first saw the word hiraeth, and it’s definition, that I was immediately drawn to it. I felt like getting up, screaming at the top of my lungs, and vehemently pointing at my screen going: YES! YES! THIS!
I honestly haven’t whispered this to myself since moving to Seattle–well, not as much. I think I can recall two or three separate occasions in which I’ve mumbled this. That’s a good sign. I remember mumbling this back in SoCal every other day.
It’s a strange and eerie feeling to have this happen, but I’ve come to accept it. In fact, I’ve actually come up with a bit of a story around it. I hope to get it out sometime next year. It should be interesting.
For now this whisper comes and goes. Its meaning and reason, beyond my reach… for now.
