The Still Life

Things aren’t bad. Things aren’t utterly amazing, but that’s okay.

In my last entry I talked about “life at the airport,” where every plane is an opportunity taken, missed, or delayed. Both my professional life and personal life seem to be abundant with opportunities… decisions to make. I tread carefully, cautiously optimistic, naturally afraid to make the wrong choice or squander a good thing. It’s human nature, I suppose, to worry. And it shows in the latest series of dreams.

For a while I keep dreaming about losing my car in a parking lot. It’s a maddening dream, taking up the entire span of the dream.

Dreaming parking lots are often difficult to navigate and all too often cars will go missing. Such dreams tend to occur when you are making an important decision in your waking life concerning your career and life path. Getting lost in the parking lot suggests confusion and if your car goes missing, you may feel that you have lost your identity in the struggle to succeed and meet expectations. The parking lot itself could be seen as the illusion of the good life. You can make all the right moves to get ahead but in the process you may find that something important is missing.

Now, that’s an interesting interpretation to dissect. I’m certainly unsure about which opportunity or what career path to take–now that there are so many invitations and possibilities. I’m worried about the future as far as where a certain path will take me. What if this department gets eliminated in the future? What if it gets outsourced to another state? What if I’m not good at it? What of my writing?

I miss writing. We know that. It’s harder and harder to make time for it with work getting so busy. Yes, a part of me feels that “writer” side of me get lost in all this. It’s not entirely lost, I’m finishing up my cover with my artist and I’m slowly editing the next book. Very slowly.

Something missing? Stability? Certainty? Or, is it someone and not something?

This last question causes pause. There’s a smile on my face as I think about a certain someone, but as with the career choices, I am cautiously optimistic. It is new. It is someone I’ve met in this “airport line” as I get ready to board. Is he coming with me? Am I going with him? Are we taking different planes? I have no idea. Meanwhile, the line is moving and we’re still talking and smiling.

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Life At The Airport

Life at the airport. Life in line. Life is a giant queue.

As I stand in line at the infamous Hard Eight BBQ in Coppell, Texas, I realize I’ve been doing a lot of it lately. Standing in line at airport security, standing in line at a restaurant, standing in line at the million opportunities queuing up. Life is standing in line at the airport, with each plane an opportunity missed or taken.

Sure there’s the adage of taking life by the horns, the no bars rule to seize an opportunity and not simply wait for something to happen. However, I believe sometimes you must wait for that perfect opportunity, sometimes you’re just not ready. It’s like jumping on a moving carousel, you have to wait for the perfect open spot to jump in. In many ways life has been a matter of finding my footing. There have been many squandered opportunities in my past, career-wise and personal growth. I’ve paid dearly for a lot of it, but I’m finally starting to get to that point where I feel I know what I want and where I want to go. There’s still a lot of broken pieces to put together, still a lot of embedded shards to remove from my broken past, but I know what must be done.

Life in Texas has been all right. It’s made me realize a few things.

  1. I made the right decision in moving to Seattle. There has never been a bigger affirmation of this. I’ve missed home tremendously. I’ve missed the weather, the people, and my friends. Don’t get me wrong, Texas isn’t all that bad. Certainly the fact that sweet tea is served in place of water at every restaurant has its charm. Then there’s that southern hospitality. Gifts, dinners, tours of Texas have all been offered and I’m ever so humbled and grateful. However, for me, Washington is home. Seattle is where my heart is.
  2. I’m TeleCom for life. I thought I was going to be in this industry for a year or two; another passing job. This will be my 10th year and I’m pretty sure I can say this is where I’m going to retire from.
  3. Never have I felt like the “prettiest girl at the ball” with so many possibilities in my career path. I don’t know where I’ll land after this project. I hope it’s somewhere new and exciting.

As I wait in line at the car rental lot, the woman ahead of me smiles. She’s got two phones in hand and a blue tooth piece in each ear. She’s dressed nicely, in a slim white suit.

“Business or pleasure?” she asks.

“Business.”

She smiles. “I figured.”

“Oh?”

“It’s the look of ‘I can’t wait to go home'” she says.

“You?” I ask. “Are you going home or…?”

She nods. “Home. For now.”

“I feel ya,” I said. “I’m going home for 36 hours and then I have to be back.”

“You in IT or programming?”

“A little in between. Telecom.”

“Ah, well,” she tips her phone in my general direction. “We thank you for keeping us connected.”

This is my life; I mumble to myself. It’s all a line… a timeline of events.

A welcome basket given by local management upon my arrival.

A welcome basket given by local management upon my arrival.

The lovely Veronica from Washington put together a home-sick package. LOVE IT!

The lovely Veronica from Washington put together a home-sick package. LOVE IT!

An awesome local bar with outdoor seating and a basketball court.

An awesome local bar with outdoor seating and a basketball court.

Straight guys play with a gay couple. Complete strangers. Yup. It happens.

Straight guys play with a gay couple. Complete strangers. Yup. It happens.

 

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