Eventually something has to give.
To touch on the last post, I did call my employers assistance program. The first number on the list of providers/therapists forwarded me to a voicemail of a doctor that no longer has his practice. The second was a number that was disconnected. I took as it a sign and I haven’t gone back to the list.
I shrugged it all off really. I figured I just needed to change my outlook on things. Plus, with a vacation coming up I was sure the time off would provide clarity. It did. In fact, I think it offered a whole new chapter in my life…
After the whole Passport Debacle of 2011-2012 (deserves its own entry), I was eager to use my passport. First up, The Land of Canadia! — err, Canada! Other than Mexico (which is really just a large unsupervised backyard), I had never been to another country. I was Vancouver-bound! (Not to be confused with being bound while in Vancouver).
I have to admit I was very nervous. Yes, they speak the same language, but I still felt the weight of being a foreigner. Oddly something I never felt here in the States or in Mexico. Go figure. I was particularly self conscience because I don’t speak French. Yes, the west area of Canada doesn’t speak a lot of French like the east, but still. As a matter of respect I feel I need to know the language. Eventually my friends convinced me to go anyway and not to worry. I figured they were right, there’s nothing to worry about. Surely most folks speak English. Besides, it’s not another continent. Not that far from home. Ten minutes into the flight and the lady next to me says “Bonjour”. I push the call button for the flight attendant and ask they turn the plane around. I change my mind. This was just a practice run and clearly i’m not ready.
Kidding. We made the flight fine, thought the lady next to me did speak French. I put my headphones on and pretending to listen to music. Nevermind it wasn’t plugged in. She probably thought I was crazy. I’m sure they think highly of Americans.
Overall, Canada was an amazing experience. Best of all, I spent it with my friend @TL_Tyson. She’s a unique person, with a personality and charm I can’t easily describe. She makes me laugh and I love her. She has a beautiful mind.
The best part was visiting Lion’s Bay (Gaius Baltar’s home from Battlestar Galactica). Not only was the view breathtaking, but I bounced some plot ideas with Tee. Being able to bounce ideas off with a writer friend, and a brilliant mind in general, is almost euphoric. Dare I say it’s better than s–no.
We also toured the University of British Columbia and it’s gorgeous campus. The museums and the botanical garden were great places to visit. I honestly can’t wait to go back.
All in all, a great time in Vancouver.
As a friend picked me up to cross the border into Washington, I was already receiving texts from local friends. They were all eager to see me and spend time. This is where it sort of got hectic for a bit, trying to divide time among a group of friends that aren’t necessarily friendly to one another. I remember telling a friend that each time I visit WA this turns into an issue. You see, a lot of the friends I have won’t necessarily get along with one another. I’ve tried having them all in one room but it’s just not easy. (Especially now that a few of my friends have divorced.) I sometimes feel like a child torn between two households. It usually turns into splitting days up, or even hours of custody/visitation. And although I feel loved to be wanted, it can be a bit hectic and hard to please everyone, and let’s face it… I want to please everyone. No matter how impossible it may seem.
In all this passing-of-the-football maneuver, I fell in love. I fell in love with the NW all over again and it renewed my desire to move up there. Something about that clean slate still tempts me, seducing me until I’m thinking about it all the time.
I have to admit that something about this visit, this moment, this particular… time feels different. I think for the first time in a long time it’s never felt so right. In the end, after all the ‘reasons/excuses’ as to why I no longer feel at home in SoCal, or feel unappreciated, unmotivated, or generally listless… I just don’t want to be here any more. It almost feels like the one sober guy at the end of the party, where everyone’s either passed out or left the party. Time to move on.
It’s finally time for me to do something for me. I’m the closest I’ve ever been to getting my first book published and it’s time for a change. It’s all one big step in a different direction, to new adventures, and a new chapter in my life.
httpv://youtu.be/GwTXwJg6_VE
I’m excited for you, B.