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OMG I LIVE IN WASHINGTON!

Yes, it’s a reoccurring realization, though it no longer feels like I’m on vacation. The streets don’t look so foreign or alien, and slowly things start to settle as routine. Work is great, despite The Plastics, and life at home is quiet.

In some ways, it feels like I’m living another life.

I lived in California? Wait, I’m from California? That’s right, these landmarks in movies look familiar. It feels like so long ago…

These memories come gradually and thankfully don’t trigger PTSD that’d likely require shock therapy. (Not yet at least).

Seattle is my blank canvas and I’m slowly learning the locations, the laid-back culture–I’ve even started making long-term plans. Most recently I learned it’s far too early for me to be going back to California, even for a short visit. Honestly, if it wasn’t for a friend’s wedding, I wouldn’t even consider coming back to California for a visit. I hold much… resentment… and dislike. California is filled with too many memories of broken dreams and promises. It’s a wasteland of disappointments. A cemetery of past aspirations. A mirror of my many failures.

I earned my move. I’ve been WAITING for so long for this fresh start. To be thrown back into the emotional minefield of my past’s short comings is cruel. I can admit that I’m just not ready for it.

My past and issues aside, I’ll be happy to see friends–and of course, the wedding!

Yes, there’s optimism somewhere inside my cold heart. Go figure 🙂