Soar

For someone who enjoys outlining a plot… I sure do suck at planning out my own life. And here I was so against flying by the seat of my pants.

They say if you have a life plan you’re more likely to be successful. Every milestone is its own reward toward the big picture. It also helps visualize and keep track of progress. I think I’m in desperate need of this system.

Things with the book are chugging a long, though not as fast as I’d hope. There is still a lot of editing, but more than anything there is a lot of self doubt. Wait… I think I covered this in the previous blog. To save space let’s just say I’m having a repeat of it.

Things had always fallen into place for me. They stopped a while back and I sort of got lost. I still feel lost in many ways.

I started working for a dot com company back during the boom days of the late 1990’s. It gave me something to do and it was a great escape from my life in high school. I hated high school. I wouldn’t say I was bullied, but I wasn’t exactly popular either. I sort of blended into the background and for the most part that was my comfort zone.

After a year at the dot com I went soul-searching in Idaho and that in itself was another mess. That’s a WHOLE different story for another time. I worked for my first TeleCom. Then after getting my degree in computer networking, thought I’d go into CriminalJustice. I planned out my career and even figured I’d start at a place semi related to CJ. I would work my way up, eventually becoming a peace officer, then perhaps federal work. Computer degree and CJ? They would love me in this new tech era right?

I did start working as a data entry person for a small background screening company, moved up and became their lead case researcher. Eventually I helped start a background screening company. Very exciting times!

Then came the fall from grace. (Or so I thought) I lost that high position. Stalled my CJ plans in losing that job. It was a trickling effect. I couldn’t afford my CJ course, and the new jobs I was landing were nowhere near related to CJ. Back to Telecom I went.

That’s where I am now. To a degree I’d say I dodge a major bullet. The background screening industry isn’t doing so well (given hiring is down with the recession), then again had I kept with my plan I could have been a law enforcement officer by now. For all the ride-alongs I’ve been on, I really liked the responsibilities of a peace officer. Sure, you have your bad days, but I found the overall experience incredibly rewarding. The thoughts linger, but the desire has dwindled with time. Not sure why. I think a part of me wanted the adventure, the stories, the life experiences. Truth be told, I would not have pursued anything writing related. Perhaps it did happen for a reason.

In saying that you have no idea just how long I’ve beat myself up for losing track of my CJ goals. I’ve felt like the biggest failure for it. It had me in a two year downward spiral of self pity. I really lost a lot of confidence and ambition during that time. Terrible times.

So what now?

Do I plan my writing career out? Couldn’t hurt. This isn’t to say something wont change in the future. And of course there are no high hopes that I’ll hit the book lottery. I fully expect to be writing for a very long time. The goal is to eventually have a big enough backlist where I can downgrade to a happier job and still write.

I’m currently in state of readiness. I’m making plans, polishing them, and tweaking them every so slightly. I’m planning a few steps ahead, predicting the outcomes, eliminating the chances of surprise. In other words, I’m getting ready to soar. I have battled most of my demons and time to take arms for what is next.

The first step in my writing career is fast approaching. Some of you already know what I’m talking about. 🙂

Stay tuned…